California Sunshine Read online

  We had finished the fort and we were laying inside. He had brought his tablet in and there was a movie playing. I had my arms curled around a pillow, laying on my stomach. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and felt my body begin to relax.

  "I won't judge if you want to take a nap."

  I giggled, my eyes still closed. "I'm sorry. I ain't been sleepin' good."

  "Why haven't you told me? Have I been keeping you up too late?" he asked.

  My eyes flew open. "No! Uh, I ain't told you, cause I didn't want to bring you down with me."

  "You wouldn't have. Tell me now, why you haven't been sleeping very well."

  I sighed. "I have nightmares. I'll wake up cryin', or havin' a panic or anxiety attack. I need to start seein' my therapist again. Yes. I'm that fucked up."

  "You're not fucked up. Anytime you have a night like that, call me. Please."

  "We ain't together, and I ain't gonna call you at three or four my time."

  "You should. I've got some great ways to calm you down. Yeah, okay, we aren't together, but dammit I still want to help you."

  "Fine. Fine. The next time it's unbearable I'll call you. Deal?" I asked, moving closer to him.

  He put his arm around me. "Deal. Now let's really do this being grown kids thing right and take a nap."

  I woke up with my head on Josh's chest, my arm over his stomach. His arm under me, holding me close. Just as I was about to close my eyes again, there was a knock at his door. I bit my bottom lip and gently shook him.

  "Hey, hey Josh," I whispered.

  He slowly opened his eyes and pulled me closer, pushing a few stray strands of hair out of my face. "What?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

  For a few seconds I forgot, but with the next knock it all came back to me. "Somebody's here."

  He smiled, "I don't want to answer the door, I want to be here like this, with you, for another five minutes."

  "I want that too, but I'm afraid they may knock the door down."

  He sighed, kissed me on the forehead and climbed out of the fort.

  "Hey mom, dad." I heard Josh say. When he did my heart sank.

  "Joshua what are you doing with a blanket fort in your living room?" I heard, what assumed was his step mom ask.

  "Well, I have company."

  "Oh, I'm so sorry," She said.

  I slowly crawled out and stood. I smiled brightly and held my hand out. "I'm Joanna."

  "Oh sweetie, you should have told us you had a girl over!" she exclaimed, her smile spreading to her eyes.

  Josh's dad stepped forward and shook my hand. "Nice to meet you, Joanna. My name is Abel. I'm Joshua's dad."

  I smiled, "Nice to meet you."

  "I'm Robin. Joshua's mother." The woman said pulling me into a hug and I had to giggle as I returned her hug.

  "Nice to meet ya'll."

  "Sweetie, where are you from?" Robin asked.

  "Arkansas, but I live in Nashville," I replied.

  "It's very pretty this time of year there isn't it?" Abel asked.

  "Yes sir."

  "Why didn't you tell us you have a girlfriend son?" he asked Josh, slapping him lovingly on the shoulder.

  "Because she's not my girlfriend. We're friends."

  "How is that possible? She's gorgeous, don't let her get away. Plus she has manners." Robin said.

  I smiled. "Thank you, ma'am. Well if we ever cross that bridge to bein' in a relationship, y'all will be the first people we tell. Deal?" I asked.

  Robin smiled. "Deal. I already like you."

  "Well thank you." I replied, standing there, feeling just slightly out of place.

  After supper with Josh's parents, we went and picked up my rental. I followed him back to his place, but the entire drive I caught myself wishing I had more time with him. Wishing that we were together, but glad we weren't. I was afraid of getting into another relationship, I was afraid I wouldn't be enough for him. I was afraid that things would happen that happened with Lance. He had done a number on my self-esteem. I wished he hadn't, I wished I could just say 'Okay. This is someone new. He's not going to hurt you.' But I was uncertain of anything. And I definitely didn't trust myself enough to not let my guard down.

  When we got inside, Josh stopped me. "You know it's my turn to surprise you next right?" he asked.

  I smiled. "Is that so?"

  "Yeah, it is. And maybe next time I see you we can decide where we want to take this."

  I nodded, but the fear and panic taking over on the inside. "Sounds good." I lied. I hated lying, I didn't like liars. And I damn sure didn't like lying, but I wasn't sure of what else to say.

  "I'm sorry about my parent's thinking you were my girlfriend."

  "It's fine. They ain't the only ones rootin' for us." I said as I walked over to the fort that was still in the middle of the living room.

  "No, but like Ashley and Mike, they're waiting for the day that I'm with someone again. They hated my ex, so for my mom to say she already likes you. That's something to be proud of."

  "Why'd they hate your ex?" I asked, grabbing a blanket and folding it.

  "Because, she was rude. Had no manners what-so-ever. But love is blind. I know that now. And I almost married her."

  "Really? Why? I mean I know love is blind but is it dumb too? I don't mean to be rude, I'm sure you loved her. Hell, I loved Lance, and we were engaged."

  "I think I was in love with the thought of love at the time. I didn't know you two were engaged."

  "Yeah. I think I was in love with the thought of love too. I wasn't ready to get married, not to him. He was a good guy, but like I've said before, he didn't know how to treat me. He just knew how to win me, but not keep me."

  "Well, it sounds like Alexis and Lance would have gotten along great."

  "Now there's a name to this mysterious ex. Alexis? Cute name."

  "Yeah if you're a spawn of Satan."

  I cracked up laughing. "I'm sorry."

  "Don't be. I love to hear you laugh. But it's the truth, though. That girl, God, she was terrible. She would pick fights with me over the littlest things. Ever day there at the end we were fighting. She'd call me screaming at me."

  "That don't sound very lovin'. I don't understand why girls do that. I'm guilty of startin' fights, but never did I call Lance, screamin' at him."

  "I'm sure your arguments were valid though."

  "Sometimes. Like the nights he'd make plans with me and have to 'work late'. Or when he'd cancel plans at the last minute."

  "We sure knew how to pick 'em didn't we?" he asked.

  I smiled and nodded. "I guess."

  "Well, I'll never do something like that. I don't like canceling plans. Especially when it's with a girlfriend."

  "Well, I don't always like makin' plans. I like spontaneity every once in a while. And with my job, sometimes I like to just sit at home and do nothin'. Order pizza and watch TV."

  "I'll remember that."

  I laughed, "I'm beginnin' to think you know more about me than I know about you."

  "Oh, I'm easy to please. As you know I love the beach, and I love the outdoors. But I'm like you, I like sitting at home, doing nothing too."

  "I like an adventure."

  "Getting in the truck and just driving, letting the road take us where it wants."

  "Exactly. This whole trip was somewhat spontaneous. And if you ever come visit, I'll have to take you the back roads, to show you the most beautiful scenery."

  "As long as you're with me--"

  I stopped him. "Please don't."

  "Why not?" he asked, stepping closer.

  "Because, I have to be honest with you. All of this scares me. I'm afraid that I'm gonna end up goin' through the same thing I went through with Lance. I'm afraid that if we try a relationship, the distance will tear us apart. Or that I'll be too much to handle and you'll get tired and just walk away."

  "That will never happen. I told you, you deserve someone who will weather the storm with you, not just hold
the umbrella. If we end up dating, I'm in it for the long run, not just until something else comes up that may be more convenient. I've been cheated on, I don't like cheaters and I don't like liars."

  I threw my arms around him, I couldn't help it. For some reason his words spoke to my heart, and they were whispering "Just believe him. Take the chance. Not right now, no not right now. When the time's right, though, don't turn him down." He pulled me closer and I buried my face in his chest.

  "I would never do anything to hurt you." he whispered.

  "I know that, and neither would I. Just give me some time." I whispered in reply, squeezing my eyes shut. I couldn't believe I was falling for someone I'd known for almost two months. I just hoped like hell he wouldn't make me regret it.

  Chapter 10

  I got home late afternoon on Monday. While I was at the store I texted Josh. It was a picture of two bottles. One was whiskey, the other was rum.

  "Lesser of two evils?" I sent after the picture.

  He sent me a picture of a bottle of wine. "This is the lesser of two evils."

  I sent him a simple emoji. " :P "

  My phone began to ring. "You don't like wine?!" he asked, shock lacing his voice as soon as I answered.

  "Not particularly. It don't silence my demons, just gives me a headache."

  He laughed. "Well. Rum then," he replied. I grabbed the bottle and put it in the cart. "So your flight was good?"

  "Yes. Glad to be home, but missin' you already."

  "Is that so?" he asked.

  I bit my bottom lip. "Yeah." I mumbled.

  "Don't get flustered. It's cute, I'm glad to have someone who misses me. Really glad I have someone to miss as well. My house has felt a lot more empty since you left this morning, though."

  I smiled. "Has it?"

  "Yeah. Thought about building a fort, but realized it wouldn't be as much fun without you."

  I grabbed a box of cereal and threw it in the cart. "I say we have a fort buildin' contest and Skype. See who does better."

  "You're on. You'll probably win."

  I laughed. "We'll see. Remind me to never go to the store when I'm hungry. Please." I said, looking in the basket that had become filled with food.

  "Don't ever go to the store when you're hungry."

  "Haha. Very funny. I gotta get outta here before I spend all my money." I said as I began to walk towards the checkout lines.

  "Did you really get that much?" Josh asked.

  I looked in the basket again. "Hold on." I said and took a quick picture and sent it to him.

  "It's just you, though. You think you really need all that?"

  I laughed, "Yes. That way I won't have to go again. I stock up on stuff. Advantages of bein' poor when I was growin' up. Buy a lot of chicken and beef, freeze it and you've got somethin' to cook every night. Deer too, but I ain't eatin' game. I'm southern, but not that southern."

  He laughed. "Smart in the long run. You don't cook every night, though."

  "No. Most of the time I'm eatin' out, but on the rare occasions I am home, I like to cook."

  "I love to cook. We'll have to cook together at some point."

  "You sure about that? I get antsy when I ain't got my own space." I replied, standing in line behind a couple with a small child who kept staring at me.

  "I won't hover. You'll see how well it works out."

  "Only if you kiss me every once in a while," I replied, trying to whisper.

  "Why are you whispering? And I'll kiss you more than just once in a while."

  My face turned beet red, as I began looking at the candy. "I'm whisperin' 'cause I'm in line. And that just made me blush like never before."

  "Good. I love you in red. Wanna text me instead of talking out loud?" he asked.

  I smiled. "Please. I'll explain more in text why I'm whisperin'."

  "Okay. I'll talk to you in a minute. Bye."

  "Bye," I replied. Hitting end call and bringing up my texts. "This kid in front of me is just staring into my soul and the parents ain't even paying attention!"

  "How old is the kid?" I got as a reply.

  I looked up, looked at the parents who were oblivious and guessed the kids age. "Like 2?"

  "Give it some chocolate."

  I laughed out loud. "You're definitely the man of my dreams."

  "I hope so, or all this is for nothing."

  "Oh, it's not all for nothin'. Oh, hold on I'm next!"

  Once I was home and had everything put away I decided to call Ashley. She answered after the second ring.

  "It's about time you called me. I've been a little worried." She said.

  "Nothin' to worry about. Josh knew I made it home safe."

  "Of course he did. Is that all y'all do? Call and talk forever?"

  "No, we text and Skype too," I replied smiling.

  "You know what I meant!"

  "I know. So I was meanin' to ask, are y'all comin' in for Thanksgivin' this year?"

  "No. My parent's are actually flying out here. Along with Jacob, Jason, and Amanda."

  "Oh, fun! How are they all doin' by the way?" I asked, taking a sip of my tea.

  "Good. Jacob and Lisa just had their third baby. Jason got divorced and is dating some girl. And Amanda is still married with a toddler."

  "I had no idea Lisa was even pregnant!" I exclaimed.

  "Yeah, me either. So back to you and Josh. You should come out here and spend it with us for Thanksgiving. You ain't got nobody else."

  "I think I'm gonna fly solo this year."

  "Joanna, you can't keep flyin' solo. You just can't." She replied, and I could hear the worry in her voice.

  "I can Ash. I've been flyin' solo since I was eighteen, one Thanksgivin' ain't gonna hurt me to spend it alone."

  "I'm tellin' Josh."

  "Please don't. I don't need him worryin' either." I knew this was going to be a long conversation. So I grabbed the rum and mixed a little into my tea.

  "Well, one of two things will happen. He'll fly out there to spend it with you, or insist you fly here."

  "Well, I can almost guarantee what it'll be. He'll want me to come out there."

  "I gotta know. Are y'all together? Truthfully and I'll leave it alone. I swear."

  I sighed. "Ash I don't know. We might as well be, but at the same time, I think we're just tryin' to get to know each other. We're takin' it slow, we don't wanna rush into somethin'. He told me though that the next relationship he's in will be his last. I don't know how I feel about that. If we get into a relationship, I'm not sure about marriage."

  "Oh, Jo. I love you, I love him, but you two need to figure it out. You sound so confused. I think, though, that if a relationship happens with him, you'll reconsider marriage."

  I laughed. "Oh yeah, what makes you think that?"

  "I see how you two already look at each other. There's more than just like there in your eyes. There's love, respect, and a mutual understanding that you've both been hurt and that you're both really vulnerable."

  "How did you get so smart?" I asked, smiling.

  "I got to experience it for myself, but then being on the other side, seeing it in other people. It's one of those things I'll never forget. Now here's another question, have y'all had sex?"

  "Ashley!" I exclaimed.

  "You haven't. Have y'all kissed?" she asked.

  "Yes. Three times."

  "Have y'all shared a bed?"

  "Nope."

  "Y'all are weird."

  "No, we're vulnerable remember. Not gonna lie, though, I'm kinda ready for the whole sharin' a bed. I wanna know how much either of us could take."

  Ashley laughed. "Dirty girl!"

  I laughed. "Nope, just curious," I replied.

  After Ashley and I hung up, I remembered Josh had wanted each of us to build a fort. I quickly gathered blankets and put together a fort in my living room. I put pillows down on the floor and quickly called him on Skype.

  "Well, well, well, took you long enough." he sa
id smiling.

  I laughed. "I called Ashley."

  "How'd that go? Did she ask about us again?"

  I smiled. "You should know that would be a resounding yes! She asked if we had sex, I said no. She asked if we've kissed I said yes and then she asked if we'd even shared a bed yet. I said no and she said we're weird."

  "Why the hell does she think that's weird?" I smiled, biting the corner of my bottom lip. "What? Do you think it's weird too?"

  I giggled. "No! I didn't say that. I did tell her I was kinda ready to share a bed." I replied, and winked.

  He smiled. "Oh yeah? Are you absolutely sure you're ready for that?"

  "Why not? It's not like anything would happen."

  "You sure about that?" he asked.

  "No, but sometimes I don't wanna be sure about nothin'."

  "You're making this distance thing kinda hard right now."

  I smiled. "Is that right?"

  He nodded, "Yeah."

  "Okay. Yeah, distance is gonna be a challenge." I finally said.

  He smiled. "Yeah. We'll make it work, though," he replied with a wink.

  I laughed. "Yeah after that conversation we'll have to won't we."

  He nodded. "Isn't it late there?"

  I looked at the time on my phone, "Yeah. It's midnight. I kinda need some sleep. I've got work tomorrow. So do you."

  "Don't remind me. I'll let you go. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

  "Of course." I replied and then yawned, covering my mouth with the back of my hand.

  "Goodnight. Sweet dreams."

  I smiled. "Goodnight. I'm sure both our dreams will be sweet tonight."

  "Very true. Bye, beautiful."

  "By handsome." I replied and ended the call.

  I crawled out of my fort and decided to put it away later. I just wanted to go to bed.

  When I walked into my room, I realized how much I was beginning to miss Josh. And how weird it felt kind of being in a relationship. We were caught in the middle of being friends, but being more. In my heart, I knew I was ready for the more part, but my head kept telling me to wait. To be smart about it. Of course, my heart was arguing with my mind, saying no, it couldn't wait any longer. I sided with my mind this once. I did want to wait. I wanted to make sure that this was something that both Josh and I wanted. Not just something that would turn out to be another shot in the dark where we both got our hearts broken. You know you love him already, though. How is that going to break his heart? I asked myself as I climbed into bed, now fully awake. It'll break his heart if I push him away. The one thing I'm really good at. I want to be everything he wants and needs. I'm not sure I can be, though. Not with my dark days and my nightmares.